1: THE GOLDEN AGE OF THIEVES

YOU, Dear Maker, have the great misfortune of being born in a very, very interesting time. Times that will surely one day be known as ‘The Golden Age of Thieves.’ Either that, or ‘The Gilded Age Pt. 2: Artificial Booglaoo.’ It’s a working title. Maybe a bit passé, but…hey. I’m only Human. And, like you, that makes us both ‘prime marks’ for this newest generation of Thief. Yes. That’s right. We’re talking about ‘Generative A.I.’ Because, much like microplastics and self-diagnosed gluten sensitivity, AI has taken the world by storm. From art to music. From bestselling spiritually pure Christian Albums to gambling ads targeting children’s games. From murder drone automations, to talk therapies providing a much-needed human connection for the shells of their Killers. Generative AI is doing it all. 

It’s generating art. It’s editing books! It's writing books. It’s trading stocks. It’s fixing rent prices. It’s detecting cancers. It’s sequencing your DNA. It’s streamlining the workforce. It’s reviewing your job application. It’s poisoning the water. It’s gassing towns full of Poors who don’t have the resources to fight it in court. It’s the next space race! It’s the sopping wet dream of a well-oiled military industrial complex. And unlike those whiny b*tchass Veterans who keep complaining about ‘PTSD,’ AI targeting systems don’t run up a tab at the VA. And there are other benefits as well. AI doesn’t question unlawful orders. It doesn’t question whether a target is a red zone or a school zone. It doesn’t protest. It doesn’t hesitate. And best of all, it can spot and neutralize threats before they even happen. So long as there’s a camera, there is now an unalienable “intelligence” to watch through it.

In other words, AI is becoming the preferred tool for the uber wealthy to reshape our world…well, not in their image. The world’s already been shaped in their image. But AI is certainly helping to fill in the cracks of their HR department. The H, specifically.

It’s something to fight their wars. It’s a watch tower to guard the no-man’s land between worker and master. In short, AI is becoming the perfect little slave for the "Epstein Class" of American Businessmen who have ALL been itching to own people since the days of their one true lord and savior, Jefferson Davis. However, despite sensational news stories, AI is actually nothing new. Rather, it is an old, familiar boot for the Modern Age: one that has been re-packaged with a new subscription-based model, and the promise of doing your thinking for you. And I know, it may seem like I’m ringing the ‘SKYNET’ Bell a little too soon, but after that RING Doorbell commercial at the Super Bowl this year, I’d have to respectfully disagree. Because while AI has not necessarily caused any new problems in our system, it’s done an excellent job at revealing its stress points: essentially speed-running our societal stress fractures. It’s shown the cracks in our load-bearing columns. And because of this, its proponents have started to say the quiet part out loud. They've shown their invisible hand of the free market…and it's holding a whip.

2: A 0/5ths COMPROMISE BETWEEN PERSONHOOD AND OWNERSHIP 

The more you learn about global history, the more you begin to see that the ‘Invisible hand’ of the free market has been holding a whip from the start. One that, even though they’ve taken efforts to hide it, now feels safe enough to display ad nauseam. So why the sudden change? Well, now there is the manpower to accomplish things…without those pesky pesky ‘people’ to get in the way. Because for the first time in human history, financial assets can be directly transformed into LABOR without the use of Humans. That’s right. Because at its core, AI is not an “Artificial Intelligence,” rather, it is a “labor simulator.” It does work, based off of how other people have done things before.

And just like how the advent of Slavery in the Americas revealed WHO was comfortable profiting off of death and misery, so too is the Modern AI “BOOM” illuminating to everyone else, exactly how disposable they always were. And in what esteem businessmen hold the lives of their workers. Which is to say…dropped zealously at the first sign of something cheaper.

And to them, AI is a sopping wet dream. Why? Because for most of recent history, at least since the outlawing of outright slavery, these Businessmen have had to compromise. They’ve had to pay us…enough, (albeit barely) to survive. Now, however, AI has revolutionized the synergy of the layoff industry. And these are just the private companies we’re talking about. The real power is in deregulation and escalation.

3: THE 'NEW MANHATTAN’

If the Invisible Hand of the free market holds a slaver'swhip, the other holds a gun. And, at least in America, our guns are being automated. But, you should know, we are not alone in that respect. Instead, we are just--at least at the time of writing--the most dangerous and vocal proponents among many. For just as Rule 34 states that "if there is a subject, there is an internet p*rn to accompany it,” so too does my new Rule 1101 state that, “If something can be militarized, it will be.” And as the free market races to be the best Chatbot, a much larger and much higher stakes battle is playing out behind the scenes. A battle not for the future of workers, but the future of soldiers.

Whether you hear about it or not, we can be reasonably sure that Governments everywhere are desperately trying to militarize their AI systems first. You think paying Working People costs a lot? Well, Paying Soldiers is even worse. It is the one truly nonnegotiable cost in creating a nation. And now, as stated, AI has created an industry where a nation's assets can be transformed into truly obedient labor with none of that pesky [Human-Upkeep-Costs] to get in the way. Naturally, Governments everywhere are jumping at the chance.

For even as we speak, the US Government is launching an AI initiative of its own. One with the full weight of the American Economy and the Un-Auditable armada of Pentagon budgetary constraints behind it. It is a program they call ‘GENESIS.’

What is Genesis, you ask? Well, like its Old Testament inspirations, GENESIS is fixing to create a super-computing-death-god-seraphim of shooting stars and missile strikes. One whose many glowing eyes and fiery wheels can drone strike any little girl while they’re sleeping, and spray ‘fentanyl lacedurine’ upon journalists while they’re awake. That’s a direct quote by the way (one from an AI CEO that my government has partnered with for this program). But, if this is all hard to visualize, just imagine GENESIS, like Big Brother’s tax-funded Super Saiyan form. Something that, in President Trump’s own words, is “comparable in urgency [and ambition] to the Manhattan Project.”

Big YIKES. In other words...

4: THE FIGHT IS ALREADY BEGUN, AND YOU ARE LOSING

THAT’S Right. The fight has begun. And YOU, Dear Maker, are losing. WE are losing. HUMANITY is losing. But, contrary to popular belief, we are NOT losing to these Robots. We are not losing to Gods. And we’re certainly not losing against some Lovecraftian Horror of wires and steel, slowly yet surely morphing into our Omnissiah. No. We are losing against something far, far less exciting. And far more traditional. 

Thieves. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just good, old-fashioned thieves with a spicy modern twist and a mediocre facelift. Thieves masquerading robberies as innovation. Thieves painting their hostile takeover of material production as ‘Democracy Manifest.’ Talentless Hacks posing as ‘Visionaries.’ All of them acting with the same goal in mind. To steal your work…and your time…for a profit. But…this is where things get interesting. THIS is where, as stated above, they've shown their hand. Because these AI Companies, and more specifically the people funding them, are not just after one profit, singular. No. That’s not enough. 

They want ALL

ALL profits. EVERY future possibility of profits. ALL the profits that YOU, YOUR CHILDREN, and YOUR STUDENTS might one day have realized or cashed in on for themselves. The fruits of their practice. The results of your training. The qualified expertise that you could have otherwise used to feed your family. All the assets that you might one day have sold. The songs your daughter could have written. Your grandson’s big break. Everyone’s big break. The ‘THING’ that could have pulled you, your family, or your community up the economic ladder and out from under the boot of desperation.  THAT is what’s at stake. And that is what they are trying to take.

AI is removing even the possibility of someone else profiting from their own labor...forever. In this way, these AI companies have successfully shown us all exactly what they are. That being…

The ideological inheritors and the economic successors of American Slavers. The Masters of material extraction.

Because these Billionaires and the Governments they bought do NOT value your time and effort. They expect it. And there’s nothing they hate more than the fact that people like YOU need to be paid. It burns them. And right now, all those Capital Crusted-Colostomy Bags are staking trillions upon trillions of dollars, to make all of your dreams THEIR reality.

Your skills are now their property. 

Your Efforts, and your Education. THEIRS. Forever.

They are staking their claim on the eminent domain of every skilled industry that has ever and will ever exist. Cementing their place at the top. In other words, the world’s richest people are racing to create...

5: A MONOPOLY ON CREATION, ITSELF

NOW, I hear you. You’re saying,

“Idy. You're being dramatic. AI helps people. Why are you comparing a product that helps people to the horrors of American Slavery? You must be one of those republican liberal lefty dipshit commie libertarian soycucks, right?” 

Guilty as…char—huh? I mean…I…think? I don’t know what to make of that. Anyways. As I was saying, if you still willingly support AI, then it’s only because you have not seen it for what it really is. But that’s not your fault. For much like the Slavers of the American South, the sheer magnitude of AI's thefts is hard to put into perspective. Especially in our modern world. So, let’s try putting it another way:

6: ALL ROADS LEAD TO US 

IMAGINE…a Construction Company. Let’s call them…CROCK. Crock builds a road. A good road. A FINE road. With that road, CROCK is able to connect places quicker and faster than ever before. But, suddenly, the team at Crock realizes something interesting. That being…

"If we can own the roads…then…we could access EVERYTHING that uses them too. The cars. The gas. And yes, eventually, even the people, too."

And so, they begin to watch. Everything. Because in Crock’s eyes, silence is not only consent, but an open invitation to inquire further. CROCK takes your silence as free license. And so, after a while of watching other people’s schematics at play, the team at CROCK begin to create cars for themselves. Soon after that, they realize….

“Woooow…if an AUDI drove on us then…we can make Audi’s! Right? Yes! And what do all these cars run on? DIESEL! That’s right. Good, God! Therefore, we can make Diesel using Exxon Mobile’s trademark formula too, because…who’s gonna stop us?”

That’s the gist. Using their privileged access, CROCK decides that trademarks do not apply to them. And as such, they begin stealing from everyone who uses their road. From the trademarks of cars. To the R & D behind them. To every tire. To every gas station. All of these ownerships are rendered MOOT by the team at Crock. And, as I’m sure you can imagine, this process is happening everywhere. To all of us. So, to quote Jordan Belfort, who is—himself— another thieving White Collar Douche, the real question remains,

OBVIOUSLY. Obviously, this is all extremely illegal. A classic case of rules for thee but not for me. How are they all getting away with it? Well, because the Thieves are NOT targeting Exxon, now are they? Exxon has lawyers. GOOD lawyers. And much the same shareholders shared between them. No. Instead, AI is targeting YOU. Me. And US. They are stealing from regular everyday people: stealing everything that Humans could ever make, before any of us ever get the chance to cash in on it.

But, I hear you. You want another example. One to help you visualize. A grosser, more viscerally upsetting one with body horror and Freudian undertones. Have no fear, Dear Maker. I WILL provide. 

8: THE MOTHER OF ALL PROFITS

THIS time, instead of imagining yourself as a faceless construction company, imagine you are…an expecting Mother. Congratulations, by the way. Why? Because this has been a hard pregnancy. Your first. But, fortunately for you, you had the cash to do things properly. And finally, after countless repetitions of multivitamins, fertility appointments, waitlists, and literal months spent incapacitated, all for the singular purpose of giving your child life, you are, at long last, finally, FINALLY...ready to give birth. 

That’s when it happens. The miracle occurs! The delivery goes smoothly. Your child is born. Safe. Happy. And Healthy.

But, unfortunately, because of how difficult your pregnancy was, your breastmilk is not suitable for your infant’s consumption. It could be unsafe. So, upon your Doctor’s recommendation, you start your child off using some formula. And it works. For a time, it helps. It does its job. It allows your child to grow while you, yourself, recover. However, unbeknownst to you, the Biomedical Company that tested your milk saved a sample for their…pleasure. Without your knowledge and without your consent. They test it again. They test it against others. They make a database of you, your milk, and your child. They mark its pattern. They mark its structure. And, from that data, they are able to refine their own synthetic baby formula even further. But, much like CROCK, there’s a problem afoot. The Businessmen involved just want…more from your kids. They have that...itch. That’s when the Biomedical Company gets an idea. Let’s call these guys…OPENAIREOLA. Yes! 

Imagine it. A stuffy boardroom. A long table. And there, at one end, some sweater-vested Boat-shoe jumps to his feet and shouts, ‘Eureka!’ Because, in that moment, he realized that it was HIS product…yes…HIS baby formula that helped you to grow your child. It was his product that helped the child on the road from infant to toddler. Therefore, OpenAireola has a right to…wait for it…your child. To their fingerprints… their likeness…their DNA…their family history. To their Social Security Number. And most of all, to the wages that your child might someday have earned. And, of course, they could clone your child, too. If they wanted. Because, following OpenAireola’s logic, the Father’s effort, the Mother’s sacrifice, the conception, the gestation, the medical appointments, the birth, the capital, the labor, and the literal miracle of creation itself, ALL take second fiddle to the fact that OpenAireola’s feels entitled to use what’s yours. And then, par for the course, they use this information to steal every aspect of not just your present, but your very future as well. Because…what the f*ck are you gonna do about it? Stop them? Of course not. That takes money. And you’re a Poor! Good luck affording a lawyer. Especially after giving birth in one of their hospitals. So, congratulations again. 

What you made is now the property of another. As is everything your child might one day have made for themselves.

9: THE END GAME

THIS is what AI does. This is ALL that AI is. Because AI is NOT aRtiFiCial IntElliGenCe. Not even close. It’s a LABOR siphon. It’s just another attempt by Thieves to steal other people’s futures. And yes, unfortunately, Dear Maker, ours is a time of very rapid growth. And just like 'steroid-induced cell division in living cultures,' wherever there exists an unusually high amount of growth, the risk of cancer increases exponentially. And, to put it bluntly, we are seeing Thieves use new technology to rob Humanity on a planetary scale. That means that right now, our world has a lot in common with the world of the early 1900’s. Back then, technology was racing as well. 

Suddenly, there was fertilizer! Then, there was mustard gas. 

Railroads! Then, weaponized bison extinction for the purposes of  Native genocide, from the windows of Pullman Train Cars.

New fabrics for uniforms! Then, new ‘Volunteers’ to wear them.

Modern factories! No labor laws. 

There was rubber! There was a need for People to extract it. 

The Point is, that thieves and criminals are the first to capitalize on progress for profit. Because this is what Thieves always do with new technology. Thieves are consistently the first to weaponize new technologies for their own advantage. 

10: THE END OF UNCONVENTIONAL WARFARE

There is a poem called ‘The Hangman’ by Ogden. It states that the Hangman goes as far as you let them. Well, Thieves are different. Unlike Executioners, who just follow orders, thieves go much, much further. New technologies enable thieves to move much, much faster than any laws or reforms can protect us from their divine ambitions. At first, unfortunately, there will always be victims. However, the situation is NOT hopeless. For, in response to all the crimes stated above, Humanity eventually made NEW laws to address and excise these cancers.

For when WWI came to a close, Humanity banded together to set some ground rules on the ethics of slaughter. That’s why, whether they follow them or not, modern soldiers are always required to carry around that cutesy little ‘Geneva Conventions Card.’ Because much like Wikipedia pages and s*x offender registries, laws need to be updated regularly.

In fact, just a few years AFTER our 1st big Geneva Conventions, Humanity got the band back together again for a sequel. 

Because technology progressed.

Because we needed to UPDATE our protections. 

To legislate. To match the novel threats with novel laws. And of course, to then address and punish the Thieves who pioneered these new forms of abuse. Why? Because we humans need terms of engagement. Safeguards to protect us from those with a leg up. Because those legs are always the first to wear boots. And of the many, many crimes that Humans can commit, thievery is by FAR the easiest to disguise as progress. You’ve probably heard by now that one famous Google Gemini quote,

“Good Artists Borrow, Great Artists Steal.” 

Well, AI has just…sped things along. It's revealed that the Rich didn’t believe in your ownership from the start. It’s shown a harsh light on the systems that Slavers helped to inform, and revealed that today’s LLCs behave much the same. But, like all Thieves, they are terrified that you might cotton on too soon. Because regulation and punishment begin the EXACT moment when enough people see Cons for what they are.

THAT’S why these companies are trying SO desperately hard to avoid any form of regulation. Because they KNOW what comes next. Don’t believe me? Ask the Hague.

SO…stand tall, Dear Maker. Change IS coming. It’s just going to be slow. Manmade problems always have Manmade solutions. And just like how Half-Dome has guard rails, and now Subway vets their mascots twice for good measure, WE, as a People, DO have the power to change quite drastically. And very quickly at that. But ONLY when we’re all upset at the same thing. And I am telling you now. Out of everything happening in the world right now, this should make you furious. And it’s high time you began fighting back. But how? How do you fight a cultural movement? How do you fight a trend? How do you fight thieves when they are backed by the entire might of the US Military Industrial Complex? Well…that’s easy.

11: JORK, TWERK, AND RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE

THAT is to say, play to your strengths. Now, this is where the fun begins. For all normal people, you can skip the next paragraph. It’s a special talisman for warding off curses:

Now, for any lawyers present, I want to be explicitly clear here. I am not telling anyone to do anything at all. Certainly not anything illegal. Also, I am neither giving legal advice nor enabling any activity whatsoever. What I am simply doing is sharing my opinion that theft is bad and crime is illegal. And it is my sole intention to draw attention to said crime. Beyond that, however, in the case of new technologies being used to siphon gainful employment opportunities from entire industries en masse, I am admittedly curious as to how people can possibly use established case precedent to seek financial restitution for their aforementioned thefts at the hands of government contracted corporations, and in-so-doing, insulate themselves from abject poverty and privation. That is all. In other words, all I am advocating for is compensatory financial reciprocity in exchange for the theft of one’s eminent domain, and of course, some much-needed case-specific clarity on the emergent legal precedent of an unprecedented technological and industry-crushing innovation set. For example, following the creation of the lightbulb, Thomas ‘Beta’ Edison tried to patent the very concept of incandescent light. Yet, due to the groundbreaking nature and novel legal challenges presented by enforcing such a broad intellectual property claim, the enforcement of said intellectual property became subject to legal scrutiny and, additionally, challenge in the courts. And thus, it fell onto the free market to take the first steps. Only then, once those first steps were taken by bold and enterprising victims of claimant overreach, could Lawyers finally get to doing what they do best, that being, to debate the case for money. Only then did there emerge the possibility for actionable steps to legally decide who could and couldn’t produce light for a profit. Admittedly, with technological innovation, layoffs will always be a concern. For example, the whale oil industry took a pretty big hit once both lightbulbs and Moby Richard hit the shelves. However, AI's influence is not comparable to even the lightbulb in this case. It is, in the President’s own words, “Comparable in scope [and urgency] to the Manhattan Project.” Why? Because never before, not once, not in all of recorded history, has a single invention so radically threatened the livelihoods, economic stability, and-per consequentium-the entire industrial future of so many people en masse. Its very existence in the absence of compensatory stipend threatens anyone in any skilled trade, as well as the entirety of most industries…everywhere, whilst simultaneously threatening the welfare of all dependents said affected workers might have. Should the day ever come that people do not need to work to afford the necessities of life, I would not advocate so heartily on their behalf. But until that day, the fact of the matter is that anything that threatens their ability to make money also encroaches on their ability to exist (i.e. their right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness). Thusly, one could reasonably conflate both the "future of one’s life had their trade not been encroached upon,” as well as the textbook definition of the phrase ‘Eminent Domain.’ And, seeing as the Supreme Court has routinely upheld the concept of eminent domain, particularly in the case of PennEast Pipeline Co vs Jersey Shore, there is well-established legal precedent for compensating the victims of a federally contracted company whose assets and mission are of a greater national importance than an individual's right to their own property. Mind you, in that case, the Supreme Court decided those victims (i.e., those affected by the seizure of their assets) must receive jUsT coMpeNsaTiOn for their losses. And in pursuit of justice for all, to what end, Dear Lawyer? To what end?! TO WHAT END can one reasonably and rightly be said to place a just dollar figure on compensation for the entire future of one's industry? And, indeed, the entire future of every industry that AI is seeking to automate? It is a question for the courts. YES. BUT! It is also a question that must first be asked by a case to debate. Did George Westinghouse wait for the court’s approval to begin developing a superior incandescent product? Did Tesla wait for Edison’s approval to continue his experiments with alternating current? Arguendo, indeed. Arguendo ad astra. Ad infinitum. And of course, and most importantly of all, ad nauseam. Because no one can say…yet. So, while we may lack clarity on some things, I’m sure we can at least agree on these few hallowed words, "Fiat Justitia Ruat Caelum!"  In other words, "let justice be done, regardless of its effect on angel investment."

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming. Where were we? Oh yes. What can you do? What steps can you take against your own theft? That’s easy. Do what you do best.

Get Stupid. Get Juvenile. Get Petty. Get Creative. 

Unfortunately, AI IS, for the moment at least, a matter of national security, and thereby, subject to the protections of our dear, dear national government. Fortunately, though, there’s a little something called Eminent Domain (which, for the uninitiated, is the art of paying hush money to the victims of robbery, if that robbery was committed in the interest of national security).

Indeed, Dear Maker, if you start getting petty, you could theoretically get compensated…greatly. Because, remember, if AI can make anything, your entire means of supporting yourself may just have disappeared. Which means, your data. Your blood. You sweat. And your tears. All of it was stolen to create a system of profit. And as such, YOU are owed just compensatory royalties and damages (money) for each and every time that ANY form of their product is used. And because…Dear Maker, you have been so grievously affected by AI’s seizure of material production…how much money do you think you’re owed?

12: THE THIEF OF MY THIEF IS A SAINT

So, knowing all this? How much can you charge? Well. The possibilities are truly endless…

But at the end of the day, this is all new legal territory. And the amount is up to you. So what do you think? How much is your future worth? How much money do you think you could have made in the best of circumstances? How many commissions did an AI model that has been trained to simulate your skilled labor just steal from you? How many meals did they steal from your children by proxy? How much was your college degree they just invalidated? How much is the future of your entire industry worth? And how many industries more did they just steal from future generations? What dollar figure could you possibly assign to any and everything you could ever imagine? Because, make no mistake, THAT is what AI is attempting to steal from you:

…any, and everything you could ever imagine.

So keep that in mind while drafting an invoice...

13: THINGS ARE LOOKING DARK…

RIGHT now, the world is looking particularly vile. And you, Dear Maker, may just want to give up. You may feel like your voice has no meaning. You may feel like it's useless to try at anything. But I am here, on my hands and knees, begging you to stay. Because I assure you, beyond any shadow of a doubt, your efforts will ALWAYS have meaning. No matter how small. Human fascination credentials itself through passion. And if your skills, data, industry, time, and future were all really that worthless, these Billionaires would not be trying so very, very hard to steal them from you. So. In the meantime. Between now…and then. Between the Now, and when THEY are held responsible for their crimes, I am begging you, Dear Maker…whatever you do… 

Don’t stop now. 

Not on their account. 

Not for anyone. 

If the future has no aesthetic, it’s because the Artist relinquished her brush. 

If the city looks bleak, it’s because the Architect set down his pen. 

If the world seems dark, it’s because Kings are afraid of what you could grow in the sun beyond their walls. Because rain or shine, true passions will always bear fruit. And, unfortunately, if you have that passion, there is a good chance that you will never, ever be happy in this life until you pursue it in full.

Until you try again. And again. And again. 

Because Humans make things. Beautiful things. It’s what we do. And so long as flesh burns, that fire will never die. And that is why. I am begging you, in the face of existential futility…abandon all restraint. And all doubt.

You’re ready. Charge full steam ahead, no matter what. Pursue any and everything that makes you tick. Every project. Every avenue. Every dream that makes you feel alive. Dive down that rabbit hole at breakneck pace. Don’t listen to the machines blaring warning signs beside you. Instead, build sand castles in the rain with a smile on your face. Because NOW, more than ever,

People need People like YOU.

We need that idea of yours…the one rustling around behind your eyes, and roaring restlessly between your ears. The one that this world might have made you give up on. Because whatever it is. I promise you. It’s worth more to me than you could ever imagine. And more to everyone else than you would ever, ever expect. And, unfortunately, there’s not a soul or machine in existence who can make it the right way, except for you. So feed it. Grow it. Give it form. Make. Break. Mistake. And revel in the craft

Because, though it may be spilled…no blood on the desk will ever be wasted...

The link has been copied!